My Tryst With Gun

I was looking to buy a cheap top of the line laptop. Cheap and top of the line sums up every Indian’s disconnect between reality and want. We always want the best but do not want to spend the money that quality commands. In the ideal world of an Indian guy, Mac books should be sold in Dollar Tree. When I set out to buy a laptop, obviously I stated with the best possible specifications. I wanted a 12- or 13-inch laptop. Should definitely have SSD. Processor has to be i7 or i5. Even though I will use it just to watch movies or browse cheap deals. With these specification in mind, I set out to look for a laptop. I found a lot of them. From mac books to Dell XPS to HP elite. These were really good laptops. But the only issue was that they were expensive. My determined Indian mind dismissed these options labelling them as glorifying examples of crony capitalism of USA. How convenient of me. Humans (read it as Indians) always come up with such convenient incorrect baseless generalization when the reality is far from the bubble that we have built in our heads.

 I started looking at other avenues. Undeterred and oblivious of the realities, I was adamant to find a laptop with specifications wort 1000 dollars that can be bought in mere 300 dollars.

That is what I call an iron willed Indian. After months of patiently mining though all possible deals online, I finally found something that fit my needs perfectly. Hard work had finally paid off. Sense of achievement was unreal. I was proud of myself. Once before I had felt such great joy when I was able to get the genuine copy of Microsoft Office for mere 10 dollars. This achievement had reaffirmed my believes in my immigrant Indian roots.

I had found this prized catch on website called OffersUp. The seller was quoting a firm 350 dollars. But we Indians are infamous for driving hard bargain. So even though I agreed to pay the money he was asking for, I was confident that at the time of sale I will still be able to squeeze in 50 dollars. There was one slight glitch to this entire design of mine. The guy selling the laptop was a Mexican. That made the deal a little complicated. We both are brown. We both are cheap in our own rights. Both countries have great cuisine. But other similarities are really not worth bragging about. We both love USA. It is our favorite destination. We both love to make tons of babies in USA. We are equally cheap. We smell weird. And we are responsible for the immigration mess in USA. But India has slight edge over Mexico. We do not have Al Chapo and the cartels. Yay.

Never mind, a date, time and location were fixed for the sale. It was a mutually agreed location. Parking lot of a StarBucks. I arrived 10 mins early. Canvassed the area. Thanks to my expertise I had gained binge watching of Netflix for all series related to FBI, CIA, NSA. Now I was well settled in my car, listening to Bollywood music. After waiting for about 10 minutes, I get a text from the seller that he has arrived. I regathered myself that had veered a little on the nostalgic journey to India on the music of Bollywood. It was action time.

The first look at the guy instilled me with confidence. He was smaller than me. Unlike most Mexicans he had no neck tattoos. So, any affiliations to any gangs was ruled out. The outdoor seating of StarBucks had a lot of white Americans cherishing their coffee. That quelled the fear of getting mugged. I approached him confidently. After exchanging the pleasantries, I told him I had only 300 dollars. But he was firm on his price. He still wanted to make a deal so he leaned in his car to show me other models of laptop in my price range and this pulled his T-shirt up a little. It unveiled something that can scare the wits out of any Indian. He was carrying a gun. He was not pointing it at me. It was holstered on his waist all secure and safe, leaning in his car had just revealed the face of the gun.

Indians have funny relationship with guns.  We are scared of them. In India, let alone the civilians, even cops do not carry guns. Few cops that carry guns are antique looking, non-scary world war two ear guns.

I was praying for my life. I was scared. I went blank. No questions asked, voluntarily I handed him 350 dollars in cash. Bought him two cups of coffee and thanked him as if he had offered me his kidney for free. I took the laptop, and drove straight to my house. Felt as if I was running for life. Even in these dire circumstances I could not over speed, because that would have costed me money (cops and speeding tickets).  We are true to our immigrant roots, come what may. The silver lining, it was indeed a great laptop.

Hope you enjoyed the blog. Happy reading.